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DECADES When I was 22 years old, I was on a college campus with my finance and decided to go out to the car at 11 pm to get the left over cake we had brought from dinner. I man walked near me and I said hi, and proceeded to get the cake. The man came up behind me and flipped me to the ground trying to rape me. I screamed, time slowed down and I remember hearing my Mom say that my car keys are a weapon so I started jabbing him with them. I struggled free, ran to a building, falling on my way. A driver arrived who heard my screams from blocks away and the police were called. The police even thought they got him and showed me several photos of similar looking men, but I couldn’t make a positive id, so he was set free. After this sexual assault, I bought a gun, moved in with my fiancé, took self-defense classes, read books, saw a psychologist who diagnosed me with PTSD due to overwhelming anxiety that paralyzed me. The world was no longer safe. It resulted in triggers, and brought back my first sexual assault as a teenager in a crowded bus in another country of an older man pressing his erection against me as I keep moving away from him toward the front of the bus, until I finally found another teenage who I could sit on her lap to get this stranger to stop. It has been 64 years since I was attacked in that parking lot. I have been happily married for 64 years and have a positive self image. BUT, I still can’t wear skirts. I still can’t go in parking lots alone at night and am uneasy going anywhere at night. I can’t watch a movie or play that has sexual assault or the anxiety becomes overwhelming. I still own the same gun.

schools fail to continue to teach students the importance of saying no when faced with peer pressure, whether it's during class and/or on Campus (if both parties attend College and live at the dorms) Abroad, girls still aren't protected from abuse. And as it is, most can still carry the risk of becoming a mother on her 15th birthday.

I need to share my story on the news. I am finally ready!

Sexual violence is not foreign to my Black Queer body, despite my inability to always verbalize the violence that I have endured. My first experience of sexual violence started at the age of seven. Despite the trauma endured, I am resilient and the possible of healing. Throughout life I have learned the value of advocating for self and discovering true community. I am proud to share my story and to help those who desire healing just as I did/do.

When I was 19 I was assaulted for the first time in college. I was left bleeding on the floor. I dont remember much about the actual assaulted. I told him he was hurting me, I asked him to stop answering he said no not yet. The pain was horrible. He assaulted me and for years I denied it. After it took me years to come forward and I was met by a title IX coordinator who blamed me. I left college without my degree because the trauma was too much. Years later I had someone come back into my life and he assaulted me for years. Made me feel small and worthless. He knew what he was doing. I recently cut him off and haven't talked to him in 3 months. It's been a year since my last assault. A year since he hurt me in a way that made me remember that people hurt others even people they claim to care about. I was 19 and 26 and 27 and 28 and 29 and 30 and 31. I feel like those last assaults were my fault? Did I do something to deserve this? My first assailant is in prison for the next 9 years at least for do it to a child. My second doesn't even know I said he assaulted me. I just remember that I got into a bad relationship with someone wanting me make me as small as possible and to put me down as often as he liked to make himself feel better.