Healing looks like realizing what I am experiencing was deliberate vile premeditated and positioned to an annihilate me. Healing to me means seeing that the life that I've been given, by power that I am yet to understand fully, loved me enough to give me the use of these capabilities, that I do not take for granted and I use to the fullest. I eat well - foods that are good for me. My hygiene is immaculate and I take great care in loving myself, my teeth, and my skin, and my eyes, while going to my routine health practitioners which I always have on a routine regular basis. Healing to me means that my outlook, my surroundings my home is taken care of immaculately, meticulously, and it is the paradise that I would like to live in; I make it so. Healing to me is taking responsibility for myself. While I am looking for others to help me and advocate for me, which I found absolutely none so far, I still don't stop knowing that it's up to me if any change is going to be, even if it's been five years living in total isolation. Healing to me is making sure that the things that I am responsible for I stay on top of, and don't make these things that part that is unhealthy, giving more weight to my abuse. Healing to me doing the things that I enjoy doing; may they be traveling, even though I travel alone and I have to give an attorney's number since I have nobody "in case of emergency" to put down, having been totally alienated. Healing to me is realizing that despite the seeing the whole world is against me, I myself can be for myself with any one of those people who have taken up arms against me. Healing to me is just being my radiant beautiful self each and every day, everywhere I go despite knowing that my abuser has soiled every connection, every connectivity, and every potentially possibility that lies before me.